An Investigation Into Yelp Reviews of Major Marathons
In our latest investigative report, we examine our favorite one and two-star reviews of major American marathons and fire back at the haters.
HUMOR
How Old Is Ben Blankenship? We Have A Theory
A LetsRun thread questions “The Mysterious Age of Ben Blankenship” so we came up with out own theory on when he was born.
What Have We Done?
If you start to see kids running a mile in blue jeans in their P.E. classes in Illinois, it’s totally normal. Major props to Glenbrook North High School.
What I’m Doing Now That I’m Injured
Now that you’re injured, you have a boatload of free time. But how do you spend it all? From training and everything that went along with it to binging…
Four Valentines Day Cards That Only Runners Will Appreciate
We know what you’re really trying to say to another runner so why don’t you just send them one of these Valentine’s Day Cards that we made.
The Teammate Credit System
The Chinese government is currently in the process of rolling out a system called the Social Credit System so how would it work for teammates?
Russia to hold alternative to Olympic Games for banned athletes
Perhaps you’ve heard: Russia was banned from competing at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But they’re hosting their own party!
Winter Olympics: Where did these sports come from?
Coming up with a short back story for some Winter Olympic sports. Sit back and watch us set flames to the annals of history.
The Spectacle
I was happy with Super Bowl LII because the Eagles used to play in Franklin Field, home of the greatest annual track meet in America.
How far could Giannis Antetokounmpo triple jump?
Giannis Antetokounpo posterized Tim Hardaway Jr but does Giannis have the build, the fundamentals & intangibles for triple jump?
How far does Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Long Jump in Skyscraper?
How far can The Rock long jump in the Skyscraper movie? Mike Powell’s long jump world record is 8.95 m (29 ft 4¼ in) from 1991.
You can have my GPS watch when you pry it from my cold, dead hands
While some people chose to let go of their watch and run free on occasion, some of us feel an incredible emotional attachment to our GPS watch.
Shalane Flanagan Makes Michelob Ultra Super Bowl Commercial Cameo – Thoughts On Beer
Shalane Flanagan, the first American woman to win the NYC Marathon in 40 years, will be on millions of TVs during the Super Bowl in a commercial.
Is it better to stretch or roundhouse kick your teammate for a set of 10 before a meet?
You can submit questions on Twitter with the hashtag #askdumbflo or send us an email at [email protected] and hopefully we can change your life.
Column: Galen Rupp Racing Is No Longer A Big Deal
DumbFlotrack has a take for you. He doesn’t think Galen Rupp is worth watching anymore and he outlines the reasons why. Shout-out Shaun the Sheep.
55% of People Think A Relay Baton Has One Hole
We posed a deep-thinking question about how many holes does a track and field relay baton have and you provided deep answers.
Does A Baton Have One Or Two Holes?
We’ve gotten into a very deep debate on whether a baton has one or two holes? Is this more about defining what an opening is?
How Do You Feel About A Tide Pod Mile?
Let me reiterate: If you put a Tide pod in your mouth, you’re an idiot and you deserve what’s coming to you so don’t even bother doing this
Donald Trump’s Daily Exercise Regimen
President Donald Trump’s physical has been released and it’s not secret that it would be wise for him to lose weight so we devised a training plan.
Citius Mag’s first and last article about LaVar Ball
This is the first and the last article that will be written about LaVar Ball on CITIUS MAG but please imagine what he would be like for running.
Top 5 Pre-Race Pump-Up Songs from 1964
We’re getting in a time machine and taking you to the year 1964 for no particular reason and then breaking down the top 5 pre-race pump up songs.
Track Mirror – Brainstorming ‘Black Mirror’ Episodes With Running
On the heels of the latest season of Black Mirror, we decided to try and brainstorm some storylines for a dystopian running universe.
Intern Matt Tackles The Marathon
Intern Matt has decided to use the next 10 months of his internship to occasionally chronicle his way to the starting line of the Chicago Marathon.
DumbFlotrack At The Movies: Remember The Goal
Reviewing “Remember the Goal”. A new movie about a cross country team at an all-girls private school with a new coach leading them them to states.
2017 Comeback Season Awards
In our current epoch of rap music, it can feel as if every single day is “Comeback Season” (or COMEBACK SZN, or CMBK SZN, or some other variation of dropping vowels, consonants, etc). This is silly to me for a few reasons. The most clear being the thought that a single day can constitute a season. A season is god damn season. We have four of them. I’m using “We” in the universal way because we are all bound by seasons because we exist on the same time-space continuum. So when I’m scrolling through Instagram and see my peers shouting CMBK SZN day after day, I want to slap them with a calendar and shout back “JULIUS CAESAR DIDN’T DIE SO YOU COULD DISRESPECT HIS SEASONS”.
The other reason, and perhaps the more fascinating, CMBK SZN is dumb as hell is the majority people claiming it’s their comeback never had a chance of failing. It’s mainly used by people who have experienced incredible success while entertaining a zero-chance possibility of ever returning to a place where a comeback is necessary.
Also, Can we agree it was Aubrey “Drake” Graham who started this phenomena? It seems like it was Drake. It had to have been Drake. 100% Aubrey Graham.
Drake saying he is having a comeback season is like Matt Centrowitz claiming it’s his comeback season after winning an Olympic Gold. Something I have no proof of, but something I’ve never been so sure of in my life.
Ok, so the gist is no one can see who really enjoys a comeback season because of all the noise from people who hold a false narrative of oppression and failure. I believe two people in the world of running enjoyed a true “Comeback Season”.
Sara Hall
In 2016, Sara Hall dropped out of the Olympic Marathon Trials. Her chance at making her first Olympic team vanished. I also dropped out of the Olympic Marathon Trials, but I wasn’t that devastated because I had a bunch of friends there and my focus immediately shifted to tacos and Coronas. I’m sure she was devastated because she had an honest shot at making the team. We were at different places in our life, and that was fine.
Sara Hall needed a comeback season in 2017. She delivered one with a personal bests in the half marathon, marathon, and a national championship in the marathon.
Her 69:37 performance at the Copenhagen Half Marathon set her up nicely for a 2:27:21 marathon personal best at the Frankfurt Marathon. To cap off her legitimate CMBK SZN, she dominated the U.S Marathon Championships while taking the victory earlier this month.
THIS *CLAP EMOJI* WAS *CLAP EMOJI* A *CLAP EMOJI* COMEBACK
Chris Derrick
This may seem like a stretch, and it probably is, but I think CD had a 2017 Comeback Season. After a year where he missed the start of the Olympic Marathon Trials due to injury and then couldn’t get into the shape he needed to be in to truly compete at the 10,000-meter Trials, one of our brightest talents was facing some hardships. This is the part of the story where he holes himself up in a room, literally takes out his degree from Stanford, hangs in on the wall, and creates an algorithm for success in 2017.
His formula worked – delivering personal bests at the New York City Half Marathon (61:12) and then guiding him to a 2:12:50 marathon debut (2nd American) at the Chicago Marathon. Chris showed he has a future in the marathon and formulas. Hell yeah, Chris.
I hope I showed not everyone can equally experience a Comeback Season. You cannot have a Comeback Season after one or two bad races. No – you have to suffer through a year of shit to deserve a Citius Comeback Season Award Tour Award. I apologize to Sara and Chris if I made their 2016 year out to be worse than it was. Because, in reality, it was probably a great year filled with family, friends, and all that nice stuff. We probably attribute too much “success” to running, but whatever. We can tackle that in 2018.
I ate Donald Trump’s McDonald’s dinner and then ran: Here are the sad results
Ryan Sterner decided to try and eat President Donald Trump’s dinner of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish and a chocolate shake from McDonalds before running.
After NFL Wide Receiver Claims Ghost Tainted Pee, Russia Nods in Solidarity
After serving a 4-game suspension for a positive PED test, Jets receiver Jeremy Kerley is back & has some spooky theories on how his urine became tainted.
A Certain Under-Investigation Coach’s Christmas List (PARODY)
A Christmas list of a certain coach that is under investigation. Whether he was naughty or nice is up to the discretion of USADA.
Scott Fauble is starting a movement. And yes, it has to do with burritos.
Scott Fauble details his obsession with burritos, Mexican food and how you can join his movement. It all started at Boulevard Tacos.
The Blue Collar Runner: An oral history
This is a story of a blue collar runner, 30 beers, a Fourth of July parade, and a neverending march towards glory. It all started…
Dillon Maggard Sets Blue Jeans Mile World Record 4:11.80, Two Days After NCAA Nationals
Dillon Maggard just ran 4:11.80 for the mile in a pair of blue jeans – just two days after he was 6th at the NCAA Cross Country National Championship.
The $hark’$ Guide to Getting Rich Off of Per Diem
One day you’re going to graduate college and if you don’t know any better, you’re going to misuse that per diem in the future at a real job.
Excerpt: My Coach the Spooky Scary Skeleton
“My Coach The Spooky Scary Skeleton” follows Christopher, a senior in Lower Newbury as he goes a parent divorce, no idea of college plans and a new coach.
Where to grab a snack along the NYC Marathon course if you get tired of running
They say nutrition during a marathon is of the utmost importance. We’ve got you covered with this how-to-snack guide to the NYC Marathon course.
Recommended Halloween Costumes For Runners
Why be Kyle Merber or Steve Prefontaine for Halloween again? Let’s get a little bit more creative. Here’s a few suggestions.
The Idiot Marathoner Update: Still training hard, Eyeing 3:30
The idiot marathoner, Nic Smith, shares an update into his training after setting out on a quest to run a 3:30 marathon w/ no training runs over 5 miles.
Examining a Fantastic Bowerman Track Club Throwback
I really enjoyed this photo of the Bowerman Track Club from 2009 and wanted to break it down because all of it is wonderful.
Four-time winners of major international race test positive for PEDs
A huge story is developing out of the United States as several members of one of a sport’s most dominant team have tested positive for PEDs.
Running & Politics Converge Again: A Gerrymandered 5K Course
That’s right folks, everything seeps into politics and politics seeps into everything. There’s a gerrymandered 5k course out in N.C., ya’ll.
Do Hills Actually Pay the Bills?
Runners hate hills. Everyone hates bills. Can we figure out a way to make both work for each other? A resident idiot blogger tries math.
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