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HUMOR

February 22, 2018

An Investigation Into Yelp Reviews of Major Marathons

In our latest investigative report, we examine our favorite one and two-star reviews of major American marathons and fire back at the haters.

February 19, 2018

How Old Is Ben Blankenship? We Have A Theory

A LetsRun thread questions “The Mysterious Age of Ben Blankenship” so we came up with out own theory on when he was born.

February 16, 2018

What Have We Done?

If you start to see kids running a mile in blue jeans in their P.E. classes in Illinois, it’s totally normal. Major props to Glenbrook North High School.

February 14, 2018

What I’m Doing Now That I’m Injured

Now that you’re injured, you have a boatload of free time. But how do you spend it all? From training and everything that went along with it to binging…

February 14, 2018

Four Valentines Day Cards That Only Runners Will Appreciate

We know what you’re really trying to say to another runner so why don’t you just send them one of these Valentine’s Day Cards that we made.

February 13, 2018

The Teammate Credit System

The Chinese government is currently in the process of rolling out a system called the Social Credit System so how would it work for teammates?

February 12, 2018

Russia to hold alternative to Olympic Games for banned athletes

Perhaps you’ve heard: Russia was banned from competing at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But they’re hosting their own party!

February 12, 2018

Winter Olympics: Where did these sports come from?

Coming up with a short back story for some Winter Olympic sports. Sit back and watch us set flames to the annals of history.

February 8, 2018

The Spectacle

I was happy with Super Bowl LII because the Eagles used to play in Franklin Field, home of the greatest annual track meet in America.

February 6, 2018

How far could Giannis Antetokounmpo triple jump?

Giannis Antetokounpo posterized Tim Hardaway Jr but does Giannis have the build, the fundamentals & intangibles for triple jump?

February 5, 2018

How far does Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Long Jump in Skyscraper?

How far can The Rock long jump in the Skyscraper movie? Mike Powell’s long jump world record is 8.95 m (29 ft 4¼ in) from 1991.

January 31, 2018

You can have my GPS watch when you pry it from my cold, dead hands

While some people chose to let go of their watch and run free on occasion, some of us feel an incredible emotional attachment to our GPS watch.

January 31, 2018

Shalane Flanagan Makes Michelob Ultra Super Bowl Commercial Cameo – Thoughts On Beer

Shalane Flanagan, the first American woman to win the NYC Marathon in 40 years, will be on millions of TVs during the Super Bowl in a commercial.

January 29, 2018

Is it better to stretch or roundhouse kick your teammate for a set of 10 before a meet?

You can submit questions on Twitter with the hashtag #askdumbflo or send us an email at [email protected] and hopefully we can change your life.

January 26, 2018

Column: Galen Rupp Racing Is No Longer A Big Deal

DumbFlotrack has a take for you. He doesn’t think Galen Rupp is worth watching anymore and he outlines the reasons why. Shout-out Shaun the Sheep.

January 25, 2018

55% of People Think A Relay Baton Has One Hole

We posed a deep-thinking question about how many holes does a track and field relay baton have and you provided deep answers.

January 24, 2018

Does A Baton Have One Or Two Holes?

We’ve gotten into a very deep debate on whether a baton has one or two holes? Is this more about defining what an opening is?

January 23, 2018

How Do You Feel About A Tide Pod Mile?

Let me reiterate: If you put a Tide pod in your mouth, you’re an idiot and you deserve what’s coming to you so don’t even bother doing this

January 17, 2018

Donald Trump’s Daily Exercise Regimen

President Donald Trump’s physical has been released and it’s not secret that it would be wise for him to lose weight so we devised a training plan.

January 14, 2018

Citius Mag’s first and last article about LaVar Ball

This is the first and the last article that will be written about LaVar Ball on CITIUS MAG but please imagine what he would be like for running.

January 11, 2018

Top 5 Pre-Race Pump-Up Songs from 1964

We’re getting in a time machine and taking you to the year 1964 for no particular reason and then breaking down the top 5 pre-race pump up songs.

January 10, 2018

Track Mirror – Brainstorming ‘Black Mirror’ Episodes With Running

On the heels of the latest season of Black Mirror, we decided to try and brainstorm some storylines for a dystopian running universe.

January 9, 2018

Intern Matt Tackles The Marathon

Intern Matt has decided to use the next 10 months of his internship to occasionally chronicle his way to the starting line of the Chicago Marathon.

January 3, 2018

DumbFlotrack At The Movies: Remember The Goal

Reviewing “Remember the Goal”. A new movie about a cross country team at an all-girls private school with a new coach leading them them to states.

December 31, 2017

2017 Comeback Season Awards

In our current epoch of rap music, it can feel as if every single day is “Comeback Season” (or COMEBACK SZN, or CMBK SZN, or some other variation of dropping vowels, consonants, etc). This is silly to me for a few reasons. The most clear being the thought that a single day can constitute a season. A season is god damn season. We have four of them. I’m using “We” in the universal way because we are all bound by seasons because we exist on the same time-space continuum. So when I’m scrolling through Instagram and see my peers shouting CMBK SZN day after day, I want to slap them with a calendar and shout back “JULIUS CAESAR DIDN’T DIE SO YOU COULD DISRESPECT HIS SEASONS”.

The other reason, and perhaps the more fascinating, CMBK SZN is dumb as hell is the majority people claiming it’s their comeback never had a chance of failing. It’s mainly used by people who have experienced incredible success while entertaining a zero-chance possibility of ever returning to a place where a comeback is necessary.

Also, Can we agree it was Aubrey “Drake” Graham who started this phenomena? It seems like it was Drake. It had to have been Drake. 100% Aubrey Graham. 

Drake saying he is having a comeback season is like Matt Centrowitz claiming it’s his comeback season after winning an Olympic Gold. Something I have no proof of, but something I’ve never been so sure of in my life.

Ok, so the gist is no one can see who really enjoys a comeback season because of all the noise from people who hold a false narrative of oppression and failure. I believe two people in the world of running enjoyed a true “Comeback Season”.

Sara Hall

In 2016, Sara Hall dropped out of the Olympic Marathon Trials. Her chance at making her first Olympic team vanished. I also dropped out of the Olympic Marathon Trials, but I wasn’t that devastated because I had a bunch of friends there and my focus immediately shifted to tacos and Coronas. I’m sure she was devastated because she had an honest shot at making the team. We were at different places in our life, and that was fine.

Sara Hall needed a comeback season in 2017. She delivered one with a personal bests in the half marathon, marathon, and a national championship in the marathon.

Her 69:37 performance at the Copenhagen Half Marathon set her up nicely for a 2:27:21 marathon personal best at the Frankfurt Marathon. To cap off her legitimate CMBK SZN, she dominated the U.S Marathon Championships while taking the victory earlier this month.

THIS *CLAP EMOJI* WAS  *CLAP EMOJI* A *CLAP EMOJI* COMEBACK

Chris Derrick

This may seem like a stretch, and it probably is, but I think CD had a 2017 Comeback Season. After a year where he missed the start of the Olympic Marathon Trials due to injury and then couldn’t get into the shape he needed to be in to truly compete at the 10,000-meter Trials, one of our brightest talents was facing some hardships. This is the part of the story where he holes himself up in a room, literally takes out his degree from Stanford, hangs in on the wall, and creates an algorithm for success in 2017.

His formula worked – delivering personal bests at the New York City Half Marathon (61:12) and then guiding him to a 2:12:50 marathon debut (2nd American) at the Chicago Marathon. Chris showed he has a future in the marathon and formulas. Hell yeah, Chris.

I hope I showed not everyone can equally experience a Comeback Season. You cannot have a Comeback Season after one or two bad races. No – you have to suffer through a year of shit to deserve a Citius Comeback Season Award Tour Award. I apologize to Sara and Chris if I made their 2016 year out to be worse than it was. Because, in reality, it was probably a great year filled with family, friends, and all that nice stuff. We probably attribute too much “success” to running, but whatever. We can tackle that in 2018.

December 21, 2017

I ate Donald Trump’s McDonald’s dinner and then ran: Here are the sad results

Ryan Sterner decided to try and eat President Donald Trump’s dinner of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish and a chocolate shake from McDonalds before running.

December 14, 2017

After NFL Wide Receiver Claims Ghost Tainted Pee, Russia Nods in Solidarity

After serving a 4-game suspension for a positive PED test, Jets receiver Jeremy Kerley is back & has some spooky theories on how his urine became tainted.

December 12, 2017

A Certain Under-Investigation Coach’s Christmas List (PARODY)

A Christmas list of a certain coach that is under investigation. Whether he was naughty or nice is up to the discretion of USADA.

November 27, 2017

Scott Fauble is starting a movement. And yes, it has to do with burritos.

Scott Fauble details his obsession with burritos, Mexican food and how you can join his movement. It all started at Boulevard Tacos.

November 27, 2017

The Blue Collar Runner: An oral history

This is a story of a blue collar runner, 30 beers, a Fourth of July parade, and a neverending march towards glory. It all started…

November 20, 2017

Dillon Maggard Sets Blue Jeans Mile World Record 4:11.80, Two Days After NCAA Nationals

Dillon Maggard just ran 4:11.80 for the mile in a pair of blue jeans – just two days after he was 6th at the NCAA Cross Country National Championship.

November 9, 2017

The $hark’$ Guide to Getting Rich Off of Per Diem

One day you’re going to graduate college and if you don’t know any better, you’re going to misuse that per diem in the future at a real job.

October 31, 2017

Excerpt: My Coach the Spooky Scary Skeleton

“My Coach The Spooky Scary Skeleton” follows Christopher, a senior in Lower Newbury as he goes a parent divorce, no idea of college plans and a new coach.

October 30, 2017

Where to grab a snack along the NYC Marathon course if you get tired of running

They say nutrition during a marathon is of the utmost importance. We’ve got you covered with this how-to-snack guide to the NYC Marathon course.

October 27, 2017

Recommended Halloween Costumes For Runners

Why be Kyle Merber or Steve Prefontaine for Halloween again? Let’s get a little bit more creative. Here’s a few suggestions.

October 27, 2017

The Idiot Marathoner Update: Still training hard, Eyeing 3:30

The idiot marathoner, Nic Smith, shares an update into his training after setting out on a quest to run a 3:30 marathon w/ no training runs over 5 miles.

October 25, 2017

Examining a Fantastic Bowerman Track Club Throwback

I really enjoyed this photo of the Bowerman Track Club from 2009 and wanted to break it down because all of it is wonderful.

October 25, 2017

Four-time winners of major international race test positive for PEDs

A huge story is developing out of the United States as several members of one of a sport’s most dominant team have tested positive for PEDs.

October 19, 2017

Running & Politics Converge Again: A Gerrymandered 5K Course

That’s right folks, everything seeps into politics and politics seeps into everything. There’s a gerrymandered 5k course out in N.C., ya’ll.

October 18, 2017

Do Hills Actually Pay the Bills?

Runners hate hills. Everyone hates bills. Can we figure out a way to make both work for each other? A resident idiot blogger tries math.

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