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May 2, 2017

How Else to Break2

With the Breaking2 attempt drawing nearer every day (we think), we’ll soon be left in a stifling void of sub2 content.

Regardless of the outcome, the #Breaking2 hashtag, like all great things will eventually fade back to the recesses of oblivion, until the next time someone amasses a supercrew of elite athletes to dedicate their every waking moment to one specific task. Sure, there will be some hubbub about the event and the result, but after a short time, even that will dissipate. The days roll forward. Time waits for nobody.

So in an effort to thwart change (because I, predictably, hate it) and keep #Breaking2 alive for as long as possible, let’s investigate what other potential feats could be the next target to finish in under the amorphous deadline of “2”. [That’s right, we’re expanding the meaning of 2 to mean more than just 120 minutes in some scenarios here.]

Finishing One Game of Settlers of Catan

This one sticks with the conventional 2 hour benchmark as its constraint. I’ve played games that have lasted over four hours. I blame the placement of the desert on that one. But in all seriousness, this is an accomplishable goal. The key is to play with people you do not like to cut down on any superfluous banter or chatting. Keep your eyes on the clock, and trade efficiently, and this one could be the biggest cakewalk on the list. Or it could blow up in your face as you roll a seven every single round.

Reading Infinite Jest

I’d put the finish line here at 2 days, reading straight through without stopping to eat or sleep or do anything that is not consume words with your brain. I’ll go ahead and say right now–this cannot be done. No matter how much time you have. Take your whole life. It’s not possible to finish this book.

Eating 40 bunless hot dogs

In 2003, Japanese competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi ate 31 bunless hot dogs in 2 minutes and 36 seconds. Now I know what you’re thinking–Jeanne, that is way off the 40-dog mark, and over 2 minutes! You’re right, valid points. But another competitive eater named Joey Chestnut was able to set an authoritative new record at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest last July by eat 70 hot dogs WITH buns in 10 minutes. So, my calculations lead me to believe that 40 bunless dogs in 2 minutes might just be possible. Maybe not, but you gotta shoot for the moon to land among the stars.

200 pushups

Another 2-minute finishline. This might seem impossible, but please first before forming any judgmental biases, watch this video.

The 30-second and even 1-minute push up records have not been verified, which is understandable because it’s hard to tell what exactly counts as a push-up. Technically, the insane exerciser in the video is not going all the way down to the floor. Still, could you replicate what he’s doing? But the fact of the matter is that verifiability is not necessarily the name of the game when it comes to the spirit of #Breaking2. Just as Nike’s course has not been sanctioned, I’d say 200 pushups in any sort of recognizable push up form under 2 minutes would count as a success in my book. Just as long as it didn’t look like this.

Moving out of an apartment

2 hours. Easy. Throw everything you own directly into the trash. Shove a few irreplaceable possessions into trash bags and you’re golden.

Nasturtium flowers

Have you heard of nasturtium? They’re edible flowers! Usually they take around two weeks to grow from a seed to its flower form that you can eat. But with all the technology lying around these days, I’d assume someone out there could make a Nasturtium sprout in well under two weeks, maybe just a week and a half. Plus, then you get to eat the fruits (flowers) of your labor.

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