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January 24, 2018

Does A Baton Have One Or Two Holes?

So we came across a debate on the internet from the fellas at “Pardon My Take” as to whether a straw has one hole or two. So we’ve decided to apply to to track and field terms with a baton. Does it have one or two holes?

Two of our resident idiots, Ryan and Stephen, have decided to share their opinions. We asked DumbFlo to weigh in but responded with “No. No. No. Fuck all of you. Not doing this today.” So here is what Ryan and Stephen was said:

Stephen: The answer is one hole.

Ryan: This isn’t some sort of weird sex joke, right? There are two holes. It’s hollow.

Stephen: It’s one hole and I know for a fact this will be debated among our legion of Citwits.

Ryan: There’s two holes. One on each end. One plus one equals two.

Stephen: It’s a cylinder. You’re a dumbass.

Ryan: A cylinder has two openings. Just like a straw! So a cup has one hold?

….

Ryan: STEPHEN, Does a cup have one hole?

Stephen: OK, think about it like this. A donut has how many holes. It has ONE hole. So if you stretch a donut or even a bagel, you’ve eventually got a baton-shape thing.

(Editor’s note from DumbFlo: A donut hole is not a hole)

Ryan: Yeah

Stephen: It’s one hole.

Ryan: At a certain point, it becomes two holes.

Stephen: No, it becomes two openings. There is still, and only ever was, one hole.

Ryan: Now it just feels like we’re debating the definition of a hole. You just said opening.

Stephen: I imagine this is all semantics

Ryan: Is it one hole or two? At a certain point, it gets long enough to be considered two holes.

Stephen: One Hole. Two Openings.

Ryan: Two holes

Stephen: You’re a two-hole truther.

Ryan: If you started digging a hole in Flagstaff and I started digging a hole in Los Angeles and we eventually met somewhere in the middle..

Stephen: YEP! ONE HOLE!

Ryan: You’re an idiot. So if two holes eventually connect, you become a one hole man?

Stephen: Yes! Precisely.

Ryan: So if the track and field relay baton had a pog stuffered into the middle of it then it has two holes? Remove the pog and its one hole?

Stephen: Man, I miss pogs.

Ryan: RIP. Rest in Pogs.

Stephen: OK, So if there’s a barrier between two openings, there are two holes. But, if the obstruction is gone, then it becomes one hole.

Ryan: Your definition of a hole is way too fickle. You have a sliding hole scale. I call it like I see it. An opening? It’s a hole.

Stephen: Well how you see it is unfortunately dumb as hell.

Ryan: Well Stephen, I have my limits and I’ve had it up to here with you. Your whole (!) two holes becoming one thing is child’s play.

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