Upon writing this, there are plenty of actual scenarios you can gamble on for the 2017 World Championships. Now, that being said, I have no idea how to actually go about placing a bet. If someone came up to me and said, “Stephen, go place a bet on Usain Bolt to win the 100-meters.” I would immediately grab a meatball sub and watch The Sopranos while trying to discern how they bet on stuff. This would obviously end with me staining my shirt with marinara sauce and being wildly confused on the inner workings of gambling culture.

To combat this happening, I crafted some not-so-likely prop bets you can’t actually do anything with. Please enjoy responsibly.

Why did Andre De Grasse actually withdraw from the World Championships?

• He was paid. A lot. Of Money. By someone close to Usain Bolt (2/1)
• He heard the wifi was sketchy in the village and was not about to miss Game of Thrones (5/2)
• It was the polite, Canadian thing to do (25/1)
• Hamstring strain (300/1)

Mo Farah’s retirement from the track is mentioned more than 30 times throughout the competition.

• Man, IDK. It seems like the British are down on him lately (3/1)
• Some British commentator keeps saying “mums the word!” for no apparent reason (5/1)
• Some British commentator keeps saying “Mo’s the word!” for a very apparent reason (7/1)
• These aren’t really prop bets (1/1)

Evan Jager’s reaction after he wins gold in the men’s steeplechase:

• He sprouts wings and turns into an even more majestic creature (3/1)
• He lifts up his singlet to expose a white shirt with “I’M THE ORIGINAL BOWERMAN BABE” handwritten on it (7/1)
• He does the Sam Cassell “Big Balls” celebration. Evan, if you’re reading this, please do this (30/1)

We stop under-appreciating Brenda Martinez:

• What more does she have to do? She rips workouts and posts them on social media for fanboysandgirls to grovel at. She does cool shit to her hair. She seems like a fairly normal, albeit ferocious, human. Let her name ring out, goddammit (4/1)

Galen Rupp’s location during the World Championships:

• In the stands, with a lolli, cheering on Mo (2/1)
• Legitimately in Alberto’s pocket somewhere far, far away (3/1)
• Watching movies and tweeting about it (15/1)
• In a cryochamber a la Han Solo until his next race (23/1)

Molly Huddle does not get nipped at the line again for a medal:

• No. There’s no chance this happens again. Molly seems like a very nice person but also the kind of person who will rip your face off (1/1)
• But what if she does? What if a teammate snags a medal from her again at the line? DOES SHE CRACK? NO. There’s no chance this happens. Can you give negative odds? No idea. But I’m about to (-100/1)