I apologize for the delay in my update. I have been on vacation after working hard these last few weeks doing blogging. I forgot to cozy favor to any particular deity this week, so I ran all seven days. If I don’t post my update in a timely fashion next week, assume I’ve been struck down by a wrathful god. Major props to the many protein-powder and diarrhea-tea-hawking personal trainers I follow on Instagram, who all tend to post some very inspiring photos of words. Wouldn’t have gotten through this week without you, bros.
Monday, February 13th
It’s no secret: running in the morning is physically painful and bad for one’s health. But sometimes life as a freelance writer becomes so hectic as to force you into a 6am jaunt.
Tuesday, February 14th
The week’s workout went off without a hitch. Wearing my longest shorts, I gutted out two sets of 400, 200, 200. My splits were: 70, 31, 31, 69 (#nice.), 31, 28. This last 200 left me questioning if a human being can sustain such breakneck speed for half a mile. Only time will tell.
Wednesday, February 15th
Whereas most of my peers would take several days off after an effort like mine yesterday, I trudged onward, and picked up a briskly-paced 5-miler with my friend Tommy.
Thursday, February 16th
Despite a mediocre showing on Saint Valentine’s Day on my part, my girlfriend, Jeanne, agreed to jog with me. Love her. She keeps me sane as I teeter on the verge of exercise-induced psychosis.
Friday, February 17th
Continuing my bi-weekly trips to major US cities with poor air quality, I scooped up a robust 10-mile run this morning in NYC, baby! I Crossed many bridges when I came to them and explored multiple boroughs. This will likely be my longest run of the training cycle. The real point of today’s effort was to expose my body to a variety of germs and stimuli, so that I don’t grow soft in my little mountain oasis. This city never sleeps and was the epicenter of a major tuberculosis outbreak some time ago.
Saturday, February 18th:
Though it lacks the horse-based shit-tinged miasma of Central Park, Brooklyn’s crowned jewel, Prospect Park does have one large hill, which makes for exhausting training runs. Thankfully my friends Mark, Mike and Mia were there to provide encouragement.
Sunday, February 19th:
After a day spent consuming meat from the streets, $9-beers from the Lower East Side and caffeine from my friend Tim’s NesCafe, I caved and escaped the city to detox in Westchester County. Though my body was bloated and foul-smelling, my friends Kyle Merber and Johnny Gregorek invited me to run near their homes along the Hudson River. They are training for something called “The Olympits” (don’t quote me on the spelling) and are delusionally expecting to run a full mile in under four minutes. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that’d be a faster pace than the world record for a distance less than half as far as they intend to travel. Dumbasses.
All told, this tested my resolve and bone density over the course of an unprecedented 42 miles. I suspect I’ll need a down week coming up, to allow my various stress fractures to re-congeal and to focus on my sprinting speed. If anyone wants to suggest any workouts, I’m all ears. Crowdsourcing is a great way to fund board games nobody will ever play. It’s gotta be even better for crafting world-record-setting training regiments.
This is the fourth post in a series by Paul chronicling his journey to break the two-minute barrier in the 800 meters. Check out his previous post below: