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June 13, 2017

Four easy dietary switcheroos to improve your training, hygiene

The dietary sciences are notoriously fickle. Fad diets are a dime a dozen. What’s deemed healthy one year may find itself on the nutritional shit list the next. And confusingly enough, just because something tastes bad, doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

Shoveling items into your gullet can feel like a figurative and literal crapshoot. But don’t worry, eaters, because we’ve picked out just four quick swap-outs you can make in your diet to be your best you!

ONE: Instead of regular leaves, eat kale leaves

We’re all familiar with the old adage: a mouth full of plantstuff and boy you’ll be smart/buff. But did you know some leaves are better than others? Sure, you could reach up and grab a bushel of leaves off of any old plant, but you’re better off going to the store and buying some kale, because of it’s superior nutritional value and slim chance of poisoning you.

TWO: Skip the spaghetti, snag a loaf

Carboload? Ha! More like carboLOAF. Forget the spaghetti team dinner and head on down to the Kroger and pick up a French loaf–that baby’s portable, sauceless (no stains!), and basically the same thing as a piping hot bowl of plain pasta.

THREE: Avoid fruit snacks in favor of snacks of fruit

Look, we’ve all been duped, and there’s no shame in admitting it. It’s deceptive advertising at its very worst, and perhaps the greatest trick the devil ever played, but… FRUIT👏 SNACKS 👏 ARE 👏 NOT👏 FRUIT.

For every sack of fruit-flavored, -shaped, and -colored treats you’ve been eating, grab a banana or something–I don’t know. Apples are neat too. But fruit punch is another misnomer, and is to be avoided in favor of solid, real fruits.

FOUR: Don’t drink water. Drink milk.

This is the one that Big Water doesn’t want you to know about. Milk is just cow water, folks, but it has additional nutrients like calcium and other bovine infusions.

Hydration. Strong bones. Lightening upper-lip stains. Can water do that? Thought not! So next time your thirst glands are pumping, reach for your Nalgene and fill it with the white stuff.

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