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Researchers: T-rex, the coolest dinosaur actually sucked, couldn’t run

By Paul Snyder

July 18, 2017

A group out researchers out of Manchester University’s School for Earth and Environmental Sciences, led by William Sellers, has concluded that history’s most fearsome predator–Tyrannosaurus rex–was actually lame as hell.

Using computers, the team looked into the notorious dinosaur’s biomechanics and determined that they were not good. Because Tyrannosaurus rex was so massive, its shitty little legs would have crumpled under the weight of its tremendous, stupid body, if subjected to even the most sluggish of trotting paces.

Don’t believe me–who is just repeating what these researches concluded? See for yourself. Here’s what the supercomputer suggests nature’s biggest mistake looked like in full flight. Look at its pathetic chicken legs wobbling along. Take note of its dopey little arms which appear to be playing an invisible piano. And why is its mouth open?

So there you have it. This big dumb ass couldn’t run the 45-mph it was long purported to have been able to. On a long enough timeline, all of your heroes will disappoint you and ol’ T-rex is no exception.

Editor’s note: So this actually takes away from the impressive nature of Claire’s run from the dinosaur in Jurassic World.

Paul Snyder

Meme-disparager, avid jogger, MS Paint artist, friend of Scott Olberding, Citius Mag staff writer based in Flagstaff. Supplying baseless opinions, lukewarm takes, and vaguely running-related content. Once witnessed televison's Michael Rapaport cut a line of 30 people to get a slice of pizza at John's on Bleeker at 4am. You can follow Paul on Twitter at @DanielDingus.