Water bottles. A simple tool used in athletics training: essentially an enhanced drinking glass that has been made gravity-proof and equipped with a lid. Buying new ones can be an exciting prospect but generally shortlived–the high of the purchase eventually wears off and you don’t think much about them anymore. People treat them to varying degrees of care and compassion to downright abuse.

After reading about psychoanalysis on Wikipedia for 45 minutes, I’m here to break down what it all means with a little thing I like to call “How you treat your water bottles and what it says about you.”

1. Promptly brought inside after the workout session: Nice work. You are well on your way to getting your bottles washed and ready for reuse. Your ability to plan for the future will no doubt benefit you in life down the road. However, what you do next is important. Let’s take a look:
2. Hand-rinsed and tossed in the drier rack: you are well adjusted to society and generally normal. You value the time you have and also don’t sweat the small stuff.
3. Carefully hand-washed with soap and then placed in the top rack of the dishwasher: easy does it, friend. It may be time to take a step back and conduct a quick cost/benefit analysis. Your moments spent awake are valuable and I’m sure your loved ones would like to see you away from the sink and back in their lives
4. Left in the sink for 4+ days: You’re busy. Dishes aren’t on the top of your list of priorities. But come on, other people need that dang sink.
5. Maybe brought inside the house and left near the stairs or by the couch: You are cavalier and nonchalant. As long as there is only water in there you may even take a sip from it down the road. This commitment to hydration is admirable but you may bode well in life to remember to keep your eye on the finish line and actually finish what you set out do.
6. Left in the back seat of your car post-workout, likely with some sort of Gatorade or Maurten residue in the bottom, forgotten forever into eternity: We get it, you don’t play by society’s rules. You’re a Gemini. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. You’re only hurting yourself here. Master your own mind, bring discipline into your life, and you will truly be free.