Column: Galen Rupp Racing Is No Longer A Big Deal

By Dumb Flotrack

January 26, 2018

Word is passing down through the running blogosphere and my Twitter mentions that Galen Rupp is about to race an indoor 5K at Dempsey. And this is news why?

Let’s face it, Galen Rupp is an old hat. Should we still care about his whereabouts? The guy hasn’t won a championship race since the 2016 U.S. Marathon Trials. The last marathon he won? Chicago. Let me tell you something about Chicago, it’s full of a bunch of windbags who are too busy chasing sausages and swizzling beers to be training seriously for a marathon. Trust me, if Chicago was any good at sports, Rupp wouldn’t have been allowed to win.

Also, Galen Rupp didn’t even participate in the Breaking2 project. You know who participated in that? Good runners that we should care about like Kevin Hart, and a laser guided Tesla.

Do not even get me started on Galen Rupp’s wardrobe. His jersey with all the holes in it? It’s like COMMIT ALREADY! If you’re going to show some skin, SHOW SOME SKIN BABY!

When’s the last time Galen Rupp set an American record? 2014. You know what’s still relevant that came out in 2014? Nothing. Results from the Sochi Olympics, Ebola, Celebgate, all come and gone. The number one box office film in the U.S. in 2014? American Sniper. I don’t even remember what that movie was about. Something about sheep? There’s only one sheep movie worth watching and it’s “Shaun the Sheep”.

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Galen Rupp runs in Nike shoes. Nike isn’t cool anymore. The only shoes worth wearing are Yeezys and those come from Adidas. If Galen Rupp mattered he’d be running in Yeezys.

The only Galen related news that’s even relevant anymore is his coach still being investigated by USADA. Who wants to read about that? No one. It’s boring. Let’s focus less on the palace intrigue and more on the facts of the case a.k.a. what book did they carve out and did they read it first?

Galen Rupp hasn’t even raced Chris Chavez before. Some of those to have raced him? Kenenisa Bekele. Eliud Kipchoge. Abdi Abdirahman. All unafraid to take on the Louis Zamperini of the Laptop. The David Arquette of Marquette. Clearly, Galen is ducking Chavez and this is a problem.

And finally, Galen Rupp never even commented on the baton hole debate.

So tell me again, why is Galen Rupp racing news?