Kyle’s First Blog: Slaying The King

By Ammar Moussa

September 28, 2018

Hello all, this is my first blog so take it easy on me. I am usually the man behind the memes and videos, but today was a special day and a blog was necessary. Today, I, Kyle Klosinski, slayed King Ryan Sterner’s CITIUS MAG Track Club 400 meter record of 58.5.

I have been talking smack to Ryan for a while now and finally decided to hit the track. His lovely article on Eliud Kipchoge inspired me to call my own shot and take down his record.

Sterner ran this impressive time a few months ago at the USA Outdoor Track and Field Championships in Des Moines. Most of you are probably thinking “I ran 58’s in High School this guy sucks!” The thing that makes this time so impressive is that he ran it with little to no training. I don’t think people understand how hard it can be to not run for a long period of time and then try to jump back into it.

I was a collegiate track runner and considered myself an 800 meter and 400 meter specialist. I also ran two random 400-meter hurdle races with horrid form. After my last collegiate race (a super wet rainy 4×400 relay) I didn’t cool down and I elected not to run for the following months to come. I had to get back in shape for an upcoming race and my first run back I think I made it about five minutes before I had to walk. So, bravo to Mr. Sterner for an impressive out of shape 400 meter time.

I told you my form was horrible. This is the type of runner that Sydney McLaughlin would lap in a 400-meter hurdle race and that’s not even possible.

Enough about Sterner, let’s talk about my new 400m CITIUS MAG Track Club record.

Unlike Ryan, I had some training under my belt. By “some”…I mean my only form of training has been playing basketball with 40+ year-old men every Sunday. I have done little to no running in the past year but seeing how confident he was that I would not break his record I had to come out of retirement.

After rummaging through my house for 20 minutes for my spikes, I finally found them packed away in my closet. I filled my water bottle and hopped on my bike and rode to the good ole high school track.

My good pal, Corey, came out to film the occasion. I did a nice one lap jog around the track and some dynamic stretches to get the blood flowing. The plan was to do two laps but after one I was already feeling pooped so I decided to conserve energy for the main event. My spikes fit snug and tight just like the good old days and I was ready to rock and roll. A single strider and it was time to go.

No gun. No competition. No official to tell me 20 times where to line up and how many commands he will give. Just me, the track, some moms walking in lane 4, my pal Corey and Sterner’s record on my mind. It felt good to be back out there with spikes on. Surprisingly, I was a little nervous. A lot of pressure and bragging rights were on the line. The nerves were evident because right off the line I stumbled on my third step. I firmly believe that had I not stumbled my time probably would have been closer to the high 40s.

The first 100 meter felt easy (as it usually does in the 400m) but I knew pain was imminent. I hit the backstretch and the legs began to tingle a little but but the Legs Were Feeling Good™ (BUY A SHIRT)

I hit the 200 meter and checked my watch to see a surprising 27. Corey, my cameraman and non-track fan friend, called out 22 for the split on our Instagram story and was WAAAY off. He most likely had no idea what a 200 meter split means and just called out a random time during the stream. Seeing a 27 on my watch had my hopes high, negative splitting was never my strong suit so I knew I could afford to die a little bit.

Coming into the third 300m I knew if I kept my form then I would be in good shape. Keep in mind, it has been over a year and a half since I’ve experienced the immense pain that is the final 100 meters of a 400 meter race. I came roaring into the home stretch with my form breaking down and an ugly race face in full effect. My arms were swinging with the force of a thousand suns. I could see the finish line and knew I had it in the bag.

How could I be so naive? Had it been that long that I now forgot what comes at the end of every 400m? Booty Lock. It hit my like a ton of bricks in the final 50 meters. It felt like I was dragging a piano every step. My form was completely gone but I had an instinct kick in. During my days as an 800 and 400 meter runner in college, I always tried to practice keeping my form in the last 100 meters. I always felt if you lose your form, arms flailing, heavy mouth breathing etc. then it made the last 100m a living hell. Genius, right? My old instincts kicked in and I fixed my form just enough to finish in 58.42, edging out Sterner’s time of 58.50. Victory.


That was my face after hearing the time.

So thank you to all the non believers and haters. Basically, just Ryan Sterner and Hunter Jaratt who had no faith in me. Oh and to Ford Palmer who said and I quote, “He is going to die HARD” during the livestream. Though I did die hard, Ford, I accomplished the main goal. I will now gladly accept the crown as the fastest CITIUS MAG TC member for 400 meters but I’m not done.

I’m glad that you kept reading. Because this record appears to be close, I would like to officially challenge Sterner to a 400 meter race during New York City Marathon weekend. I’ve never met Sterner in person and I think I’d like him. On the track, we’re rivals. Paul Snyder broke the news on Twitter that there’s a shiny new track by the East River. Let’s do it there. He can set the time. I’ll make the drive from Delaware County to kick his ass in person.