By Stephen Kersh
February 9, 2017
To make this easy, all of these proposed fake betting lines are in the context of a $100 dollar bet, which is silly because we know you can’t bet on track. None of these are real and I have no idea what I’m doing. Prepare to ask yourself “why did I read those?”
Will the total cumulative time of Matt Centrowitz and Ryan Hill in the Pavvo Nurmi Two-Mile be over or under 16 minute and 5 seconds?
OVER 16:05: -170
UNDER 16:05: +450
30/1: Odds that before the Wanamaker mile, a DNA test is administered on Daniel Winn and Henry Wynne and it is found they are brothers, but have been separated all their lives because a clerical error at the hospital.
Does my handsome, NYC-resident friend David get Leah O’Conner’s (the Wanamaker Mile) phone number?
YES: +300
NO: -1700
Does Merber tweet something clever that we pretend to hate because we wish we had thought of it first BEFORE or AFTER his race (the Wanamaker Mile)?
BEFORE: +900
AFTER: – 750
Does Brie Felnage (3,000-meters) like or dislike the soft cow’s-milk cheese named after her?
LIKES BRIE: – 1000
DISLIKES BRIE: +300
If Paul Snyder ran in the women’s 800-meter, would he get last? (Follow his journey here).
YES: +1100
NO: -600
How many times will Ato Bolden refer to Evan Jager (Pavvo Nurmi Two Mile) as “the bounding baby deer”.
OVER 12: -300
UNDER 12: +1200
5/1: Odds Leah Nugent (Howard Schmertz 60-Meter Hurdles) is the daughter of legendary rocker and weirdo Ted Nugent.
Who will Colby Alexander (Wanamaker Mile) thank first in his pre-race interview?
The Cleveland Browns (even)
Dairy Queen (5/2)
His Headband (6/1)
Mr. Wanamaker (15/1)
Megan J. Brennon, United States Postmaster General and Chief Executive Officer (32/1)
Jon Dette, former member of the band Slayer (475/1)
What color Gatorade gets poured on Gags if Johnny Gregorek, Colby Alexander or Kyle Merber wins the Wanamaker Mile?
Clear/Water +300
Lime/Green +300
Yellow +300
Orange +300
Red +600
Blue (Glacier Freeze and True Blue) +750
Purple +1200
Over/Under number of times Gisele is shown on screen 2.5
Stephen Kersh
Former collegiate runner for University of Portland and Georgetown, currently a professional runner weighing sponsorship offers from no one. Enjoys using the internet to message Scott Olberding and Paul Snyder about bad story ideas. Does not assume he will work at Citius much longer due to the bad story ideas. He once gave a TED Talk titled "Twitter: How We Are All Just Shouting into a Vacuum" to his best friend and his girlfriend on the beaches of Connecticut.