Note: I think it’s time to realize that Ryan might be the guy who takes it upon himself to bring us back down to earth when someone tries something silly to make track cool. We begin with this.

Talk that talk kid pic.twitter.com/lKB4wRTsIp

— Feitelberg (@FeitsBarstool) February 22, 2017

Here, I paraphrase my inner monologue:

“Oh no. What could this guy possibly be doing. Is this the hurdles? Will he be hurdling? Am I about to witness a horrific fall? Oh. Oh, okay. I see what’s happening. Maybe he’s going to run head first into the big bean bag they have to stop sprinters? No. Not that either. Well, that ended better than I expected. What a tool.”

I guess this is one poor guy’s attempt at making track and field cool. And we’ll be clear: though we love running, it is by no means COOL. There are no slam dunks or fights–hallmarks of COOL SPORTS. He probably thought he was like Michael Jordan closing his eyes at the free throw line; Babe Ruth pointing towards the center-field bleachers before belting it across Wrigley Field or that guy who knocked out Jose Bautista.

Those, however, are cool things, done by cool sports people. You’ll never catch anyone saying, “Remember the time that Tommy Hopscotch blindfolded himself before coming in 3rd place in the 60 meter dash at the Fun Time Indoor Games 2017?”

Sources say his ultimate goal of “impressing some chicks,” was a failure.