Hello, nerds. It’s happening again: we are bum-rushing another unsuspecting city for the sake of bringing you just-ok media coverage of a world-class event. That’s right, I’m talking about Chicago and the Chicago Marathon. Galen Rupp? Check. Mo Farah? Check. Yuki? Check. Citius Mag? Fuck yeah.

Our main goal while there will be to subsist 100% on all-beef Chicago dogs. If you find us on the street and can identify us by name, we will invite you to our next Chicago Dog adventure and buy your hot dog.

BUT THAT’S NOT THE ONLY COOL THING YOU CAN EXPECT US TO DELIVER TO PEOPLE ATTENDING THE BIG RACE. Yes please, if you’re going to be in Chicago then you don’t want to miss our first annual CITIUS MAG Chi-Town Shakeout. Please find the details below and MAKE SURE YOU RSVP HERE.

HERE’S WHAT ELSE YOU CAN EXPECT

• If you’re going to be in the area on Friday, a few of us CITIUS yahoos are lining up for a 4×800 in Millennium Park at 7:30pm. Come watch us make fools of ourselves.
• Our very own Jeanne Mack will be running the Marathon. Now we don’t want to jinx her or anything, but we think she’s going to do great.
• Since Chavez is going to be there, you can bet your ass that he’s going to make us do some sort of vlog or podcast.
• We will tweet. That’s a sure thing. We will fucking tweet.
• If anything cool happens like, say, an enthusiastic water delivery man making an enthusiastic hand gesture, give us a minute and we’ll turn it into a GIF.

And that’s about all I have. I was instructed to make this post and to be completely honest I’m a little sleepy because I had a big lunch and just figured I’d mash my little fingers around on the keyboard until I met a minimum word count. Are you happy, Chris? Is this what you want?