I’ve done it again: tricked a seemingly reputable event into giving a dunce like me a press credential. Yes, nerds, I will be in Germany for the 45th edition of the Berlin Marathon.

Like many marathons and track meets before it, I have been granted access to areas where professionals–both in the running and business sense–will be hanging out. This trip was made possible thanks to the support of our fans, readers, listeners and backers on Patreon (Donate today!). These professionals will be giving and conducting interviews. They will be stretching and getting massaged. They will be preparing for the task at hand. And then, like an unwelcome house guest, I will appear, sneezing around some sort of restricted zone, searching for free food.

Along with unprecedented access to the marathon itself, I was provided with a very fine digital copy of the media guide. It’s a nearly 300-page document that no one really has time to read. But, friends, I’ve read it. Here are some key takeaways.

• They are anticipating that over 1,000,000 paper cups and 240,000 liters of water will be used and consumed.
• In terms of bananas, they will have 145,000 of those bad boys hanging around. With almost 50,000 runners/wheelchair athletes/hand bikers slated to hit the streets, that’s damn near three bananas a person.
• They are planning on using 240 liters (!) of massage oil.
• The winner of the men’s and women’s races is poised to walk away with €40,000, with an additional €30,000 if they can crack 2:04/2:19 respectively, and an additional €50,000 if they break the world record.

As with all announcements, I am supposed to let you know what you can expect from me while abroad.

Well, first and foremost I will be investigating whether or not there will truly be 145,000 bananas there.

Second on my priority list is to take some nice pictures of the runners (both the professionals, and my friends. Shout out Scott Olberding and Jason Suarez).

And lastly, I’ll probably try to send some nice tweets? Is that what you guys want? Some tweets? Maybe not just about the race, but some behind the scenes stuff? Like are they really using all 240 liters of massage oil? We’ll see.

Anyway. I leave tomorrow.

If you have any specific requests of me, please feel free to send me an email (ryan@citiusmag.com) or tweet something derogatory at me (@ryansterner1). The last time I was in Berlin I was forced to leave my hotel at 2:30 am to stand in line at some godforsaken nightclub. My expectations this time around are infinitely higher.