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December 14, 2017

After NFL Wide Receiver Claims Ghost Tainted Pee, Russia Nods in Solidarity

HUMOR – After serving a four-game suspension for a positive PED test, Jets receiver Jeremy Kerley is back and has some spooky theories on how his urine became tainted with illicit drugs.

Via Calvin Watkins of ESPN: “Asked how did a tainted supplement get in his system, Kerley said, “I don’t know, a lot of ghosts around here. Ghosts put it in. You know the ghost of Christmas past.”

That’s right, baby. Ghosts.

Shortly after Kerley’s wraith talk, a number of athletes who had been accused or charged of doping in the past had some thoughts on the Ghost Theory.

“If you told me ghosts rubbed Androgel all over my back, I would 100% believe you,” said Marion Jones.

“I’ve actually always believed in ghosts. I’ve also always thought they had something against me,” stated Ben Johnson.

“I’ve never met or trained with a ghost. He may have been to one or two of my workouts, but we definitely never spoke or made eye-contact,” said Sir Mo Farah.

“Ghosts? Hell no. I did that shit myself,” commented Lance Armstrong.

Elsewhere, and unprompted, Russian President Vladimir Putin held a press conference early this morning to address this theory. While his comments were brief, he did go on to say he “believes there are more ghosts in Russian than anywhere in the world” and “this Kerley guy makes a lot of sense to me.”

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