By Citius Mag Staff
April 6, 2017
For most, the opportunity to have widely-circulated portrait ends in high school, or starts after your first petty crime, but, PER USUAL, student-athletes are exempt from these rules. They get their mugs immortalized 1-3 times a career depending on the quality of their respective sports information department intern. And, If we’ve learned anything over the years, it’s if you give a runner the chance to act like a high schooler again, he or she will double-down on that offer every damn time. So, in cooperation with our celebration of Fashion Week here at Citius Mag, we present a handful of kids who loved playing dress-up well after it was an activity anything close to appropriate with regards to their age.
You guys loved the first edition and so we’ve brought it back for a second one…and ya know what. We’re thinking of doing this weekly. So shoot them our way via email or Twitter DM. Our info is at the bottom of the post.
ICYMI: Yesterday’s round-up
We’ll start off with some heavy hitters.
Before he was a 2016 U.S. Olympian, Ben Blankenship was something else at Minnesota.
College is a time of exploring different personas. Phish show? I’m down. Poetry slam? I got bars. Sub 4 mile? I got wheels. Business club? HOW DARE YOU! It was the best of times, it was the worst of looks, Ben Blankenship, Olympian.
Craig Engels and Ole Miss is a gift that keeps on giving when it comes to facial hair, fast times, winning races and looking great. If Chris Columbus, the director of the early Harry Potter Movies and Home Alone 1 &2 is reading this, please give Wesley Gallagher a call if you’re considering a remake of Home Alone. He’s got Marv written all over him.
Ashland University is in Ashland, Ohio, whose town motto is “something special.” With beautiful bleached blonde “grassroots” and a pair of hoops that would make Mr. Clean blush, a young Nick “Hexum” Hall was most likely playing in a 311 cover band between goatee groomings.
“Hey man, are you Evan Jager… on weed?” No guy, my name is Addison Monroe. I bring the dankest, sticky-ickyest locks to Lock Haven. Do you even run, bro?
When your high school coach kicks you off the team, and then you break 4 in the mile, your patience for naysaying evaporates. “Cut your hair. You look like an emaciated Matt Leinhart.” No. “People on campus don’t think you are Billy Crudup from ‘Without Limits,’ Matt Maton.” Oh yeah? Watch me (Casey Neistat voice)
Drew Harris wants to be an actor. He’s lost out on all his roles to Elijah Wood.
This one takes a little bit of skill to notice but Maurice is actually wearing three ties in this photo.
That face when you’re a tortured murder detective, trying punching the clock and get that pension, but you care too much to let a crook slide… and you also run college cross country. He also gives off the vibe of a volunteer assistant who ran like 30 minutes for the 8k but wants to stick around.
It’s incredible to think that this is the same person going from freshman year to sophomore year. What’s in the water in Arlington, Texas?
Yesterday, she shared a short little story about how this guy’s teammate Garrison took his regular head shot and then threw on some glasses and Schrute-parted his hair so he could take his roommate’s picture. We looked around and it seems like the university has no idea or they don’t care, because they posted both head shots on the website and shared a post about them qualifying for Nationals including both images side-by-side. This is the roommate that he replaced and we’re sad that the world has missed out on seeing a glorious mullet.
Much like the regionally available beer by a similar name, Geneseo–as a place, and also as a state of mind–exudes smooth. This mustachioed fellow certain lives up to the billing. In the world of wacky roster shots it’s easy to go big across the board, but sometimes, the right choice is to go normal as hell, with one glaring categorical exception. Go Knights. And if we ever meet, the first Genny Cream’s on us.
When someone sent us Joe Louiselle’s photo, they informed us that his nickname is “Sauceman.” We’re glad that he patrols the streets of Fargo with that name. If you look at his running photo and his portrait, he has certainly acclimated to his environment.
You know how there’s always those European NBA draft picks that we only know what they look like from grainy YouTube footage? We think this guy is one of them. The singlet looks a little bit like a basketball jersey and then there’s the little fuzz on the upper lip. It’s like I’m here, NBA, but I’m still a little dirty from my stint playing in Europe.
Nudelman is the perfect name for a coach to yell when he gets really angry. Lucas looks like he enjoys pranks so that was certainly the case.
Recently, the Milwaukee Bucks announced they would form a D-League franchise in Oshkosh in the 2017-2018 season. I 100% believe this guy is going to be on their cheer team.
10 seconds before this photo was taken, he was asked if he thought a hot dog was a sandwich
“This kid just looks lost.” – Ryan Sterner
Only a young man with a penchant for photography could know the subtle-yet-striking, feathery mahogany flow that was peaking from behind a ruby tracksuit. A deep red that could never truly showcase the beauty behind his pale complexion. Justin Britton took his chances with the party in the back and won.
And now for the team battle:
It will be up to you, the reader to vote for the best team. We liked the first team shot that was sent to us in yesterday’s roundup but these guys came out with some unique flair and fire. Examine the looks and cast your vote below.
University of Wisconsin-Superior Cross Country
I didn’t think Jerry Curl was still available in stores. It’s a damn shame he’s not wearing a turtleneck
Brandon’s Tinder bio notes that he’s seen Without Limits 87 times.
Of course he’s a criminal justice major. Dress for the job you want. Not the one you have. (Our own Paul Snyder says he will pay $40 for a picture of Tony in one of those old timey muscle man onesies.
Jordan is looking to be the first unemployed Computer Science graduate because he will not take his hair out of a bun.
Big Lake, Minnesotta’s #1 ranked non-cursing stand up comedian, Tommy Flemming! (Tommy is still working on his smile as of the publication of this article)
THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD!
Jonathan Lipnicki of “Jerry Maguire” fame grew up to be an accomplished midwestern sprinter.
What you’re about to witness may be the scariest yet most impressive team feat that we have seen yet. As we discussed these as a staff, Stephen Kersh let out a “These are f*cking creepy. They remind me of True Detective Season 1. Like these dudes are straight out of the Bayou.” Kersh was incorrect. Most of these guys are Minnesota born and bred so maybe they were pulled out of one of their many lakes.
St. John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota.
Come for the shirtlessness, stay for the pigtails.
When you see the first one, you’re like “OK. That was weird.” This is the part where you start to question whether this team has uniforms or whether they spent the entire budget to take their team photos against the Ivy at Wrigley Field.
But they’ve been doing it for years! Zach! Where is your shirt? For the love of God?!
Personal: Interned for Johnny Knoxville; invented “Monster Dew,” a hybrid energy drink combining the caffeine of Monster, with the unnatural green glow of Mountain Dew
It’s a total accident that we cropped the photo and it just cuts off at “ran for head” but when you look at that smile, maybe you believe it.
This is the last look that you’ll see if you happen to bump into Carter at a crowded bar.
This is a lie. Andrew wasn’t a cross country runner for St. John’s. This photo was taken on season 69 of Survivor.
This is just to show that you can be normal in Minnesota.
Sometimes.
[polldaddy poll=9717656]
Our hero of the week
You either think the world has enough Juggalos, or you believe it could use more of a Dark Carnival vibe. We here at Citius Mag fall into the latter camp. And apparently Eastern Illinois’ own Danny Trevor does too. We’re reaching an absurd singularity in global history where Juggalos just might save the world. So Danny, thank you for your service. Let the Faygo fly, friend.
Division I, II or III or even high school track team portraits are welcome. We know there’s more out there so sent them our way by email citiusmag@gmail.com or DM us on Twitter.
Citius Mag Staff