Okay, I am still processing this.

Forget everything you know about women’s marathon times, then try to understand that Tigist Assefa ran 2:11:53. The Ethiopian’s winning time at the Berlin Marathon annihilates Brigid Kosgei’s previous record of 2:14:04 from Chicago in 2019.

Here are some ways to try and quantify that:

• It is a 5:02-mile pace
• Her second half was in 1:05:34 and the American record is 1:06:39
• The final 10K split of 31:01 would be the 12th fastest American 10,000m time ever
• It would be the 18th fastest time by an American MAN this year
• The World Athletics scoring tables rank this performance higher than every other female running world record performance ever. Overall, only the discus, shot put, long jump, and heptathlon marks are considered greater.

For being by far the quickest marathon runner ever, Tigist Assefa is still far from a household name, even in households like mine that would care about that sort of thing. That’s largely because she only ran her first marathon in 2022. Her debut may have underwhelmed, but in Berlin last year she dropped 19 minutes to run 2:15:37, seemingly out of nowhere. Coming into this year, we knew a bit more, yet this still surprised us.

If you are hoping this whole thing isn’t just a bunch of smoke and mirrors then take solace in the fact that Assefa ran 1:59.24 for 800m in 2014. Consider the immediate success that Sifan Hassan and Letesenbet Gidey are having in the marathon. Try to recall that Eliud Kipchoge ran a 3:50 mile in 2004.

With the cadence required to be an elite marathoner at these paces, it seems like we are trending toward world class foot speed being a prerequisite to succeed on these pancake-flat courses. It also probably doesn’t hurt to seemingly be a super-responder to super shoes.

Seriously… It’s hard to imagine a better product endorsement for Adidas’ new $500 shoe than this. I won’t pretend to be an exercise physiologist, but I occasionally impersonate one in this newsletter, so here it goes: the shoes may help maintain ankle stiffness and bounce most often exhibited by middle-distance runners.

If we want to delve into what is happening with American men and why they’re not keeping up with the improvement curve of the rest of the world in the marathon, then take a look at our current crop’s 1500m times. There is still so much financial support and incentive on the track that our roster of potential 2024 marathon Olympians is still largely made up of cross country specialists/grind boys. They’re tough. They’re good on hills. And they can train like animals. But are they capitalizing on the shoes as much as someone like Grant Fisher one day will?

Right now, 2:11:53 may seem crazy because it is so significantly better than the second best time ever run. But if in a few years Faith Kipyegon and Gudaf Tsegay can match it then it’ll be easier to digest that middle-distance runners of yesterday are the new record breakers of today. They are the only ones who can make five-minute pace look like a jog.

Eliud Kipchoge Wins Berlin, Again

When you go to a Blink 182 concert, you don’t want them to play the new stuff. You want Mark Hoppus to go on a 20-minute tirade about the government covering up the existence of extraterrestrials, you have my attention. That just me? Okay, then how about this: collectively, we want them to PLAY THE HITS.

And that’s what Eliud Kipchoge did in winning his fifth Berlin Marathon this past weekend in 2:02:42. We Blink Eliud fans walked out of the stadium with our heads held high, reassuring our friend, a father of three, that the boys can still rock. The performance won’t change our lives like the 2001 Warped Tour show did, though dammit it makes you feel good to bask in that nostalgia and reminisce about a time when you could wear skate shoes without triggering your plantar fasciitis.

It’s sort of remarkable how regular a sub-2:03 marathon feels these days. This was Kipchoge’s fifth-fastest time of his life, and not that he needed any further proof that he is the greatest to ever do it, but stacking 2:02 efforts in what’s presumably the twilight of his career provides just that.

Did you see that viral TikTok of a college student saying, “I think that if Lebron came before Jordan there wouldn’t even be an argument about who is better.”

Well, the day is coming when the Lebron to our Jordan emerges. It might be Kelvin Kiptum – it may be Joshua Cheptegei – or it might be Jakob Ingebrigtsen. But one day, especially with where technology is going, this might be a debate. And all the… small things… matter to Kipchoge right now, and our philosopher king needs to keep padding those stats to help the case.

We won’t really remember that in his fifth Berlin victory, the field was not assembled to challenge Kipchoge for the win. He ended up being out on his own with no company except pacers for the better part of the two hours. (And we certainly won’t remember that over the final few miles there was a vague threat from a closing second and third place.) The remainder of the podium was made up of debutants Vincent Kipkemoi (2:03:13) and Tadese Takele (2:03:24).