Feast Your Eyes On The Best Cross Country Roster Portraits – Part X

By Citius Mag Staff

September 4, 2018

It was October 2017 when we last did this round up. The University of Santa Clara men’s cross country team hit us with some unbelievable photos that we decided that we should retire the series for the fall. We got more submissions and we’re still getting some now. We’ve decided to bring the series back for the 2018 cross country season. While you wait for the first edition of The Wood Report to come out, we’ll bring you some giggles.

For most, the opportunity to have widely-circulated portrait ends in high school, or starts after your first petty crime, but, PER USUAL, student-athletes are exempt from these rules. They get their mugs immortalized 1-3 times a career depending on the quality of their respective sports information department intern. And, If we’ve learned anything over the years, it’s if you give a runner the chance to act like a high schooler again, he or she will double-down on that offer every damn time. After this was a hit, we’ve decided to make it a recurring weekly round-up on Citius Mag dot com, we present a handful of kids who loved playing dress-up well after it was an activity anything close to appropriate with regards to their age.

Thanks to Intern Matt for producing the captions this week.

And to bring it back, the Santa Clara men are starting us off on a REAL STRONG NOTE.

Previous editions

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI| Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

We know you have more so shoot them our way via email or Twitter DM. Our info is at the bottom of the post. All photos have been user submitted.

When the Tinder date says, “All cross country runners are nerds.”


That face when your cousin Rebecca turns you down for prom so you have to make up that your Canadian girlfriend had a Toronto Argonauts game to attend instead.


When the girl in your Mass Media and the American Family class tells her friend she likes guys who look like Jon Waters

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When you show up at freshman orientation telling everyone you’re very influenced by Robert DeNiro;s character in Taxi Driver. When word gets around that you’re a psychopath, you try to grow a mustache so people forget. (They won’t.)

When your parents pay more attention to your little brother so you have to do SOMETHING to get them to notice you


Without fail, this is the friend who on the first day of class will tells people he hunts squirrels or some something like that and will pepper in his weird hobby into every conversation thereafter.


When you see that her Bumble profile says she likes a guy who is in touch with his soft side and isn’t afraid to get “dolled up.”


Looking right because bae left. And also looking left.


You know the guy who sits in the corner of the pregame and is nursing the one IPA he brought for himself and no one else and his only contribution to the conversation is “haha, yea”…



This is that guy at the party who knows a lot about the Cosby show.


When you grow a mustache because you think it’ll make you look like Tom Selleck on your school ID.


The side of Clay Jensen from 13 Reasons Why where he gets really into crust punk and tells you about some new art festival in your dinky town.


This is definitely not the runner on the team. This is every cashier at every Chik Fil A in America. No one is ever really that happy.


What the hell, man? Everyone is wearing their polos today and you went for the full zip? We get it, you’re probably also the one who prefers long runs in your bare feet or whatever, but sometimes you just gotta fit in


Remember Simple Jack? This is his son. Feel old yet?

It’s okay fellas, not everyone has to have a mustache. But you could have done better than to use colored pencil for yours. These guys literally have the same mustache.

That’s it for this week. Division I, II or III or even high school track team portraits are welcome. We know there’s more out there so sent them our way by email citiusmag@gmail.com or DM us on Twitter.

Citius Mag Staff